December was marked by wonderful memories, but also numerous occasions in which the Christmas carol got stuck in my throat;  the tears flowed as I drove down a beautifully-bedazzled south Jersey street;  instances of wishing that I had the superpower of being able to make time stand still for awhile so I could continue living in this thin slice of time which is nearly over.

We will be returning to Japan on February 9th.  It has just come upon us.  As much as there are a lot of reasons why we are excited to return to our home there, the difficulty of again leaving this home; our family and friends here; the new roots that we have somehow allowed to sink into the garden state soil — these thoughts have clouded some of the joy of the return this past month.

January first I began taking down Christmas decorations.  Most of them need to be returned to someone who lent them, or boxed up to be given away.  As I began packing them, I made one box to go back with us:  “Christmas Japan” the box says in bold Sharpie black pen.  And then I packed another box of just this and that – – momentos and items that we want to have with us.  And I realized that with this new day; this new month; this new year — God has graciously helped my heart to turn a corner and begin again to look forwards.  I am in preparing and packing mode.  It is how my heart, which really does have an intense disliking for transition, is coping with needing to say goodbye.  It is God’s gift that I am a planner and I can divert my energies into the myriad of tasks that are mine this month.

At the same time, we are enjoying visiting with friends and family; helping to implement a women’s Bible study at our church;  sharing with others about what is happening in Japan.  But I am set on what is to come, and even actually excited about what God has in store for us.  (And scared as well!).  The first verse that I read this year was this:

“And He said, ‘My presence shall go with you, and I will give you rest'” (Exodus 33:14).

This promise anchors me.  Wherever we may be… missionary housing or Japanese rental home or on an airplane somewhere in between, He will be with us.  And isn’t that a wonderful promise tacked on at the end – He will give me rest.  I get weary at just the thought of the next two months.  But look — He will give me rest.

It really is wonderful to start this new year knowing the One waiting for me around each and every corner.

10. Christmas morning, when my family all came over for breakfast and to watch the kids open gifts.  At one point I went in the kitchen just to cry a bit…I felt such joy at being together on this wonderful day.

9.  Being with my Dad on Christmas…and my kids getting to be with their Granddad.

8.  The little times throughout the day of seeing different family members hanging out together… here Hannah, Beth, and Annie are having a tea party with a new tea party set.

7.  Spending Christmas with my newest niece, Isabella.  We had found her a small rocking chair dated from 1840.

6.  Christmas dinner cooked by my brother-in-law, Anthony.  It was amazing… I think all these years when we would call on Christmas day from Japan my family under-played these gourmet Christmas dinner!

5.  Visiting with my sister Hannah, visiting for six days from Montana.  Annie thinks she has to be the real Hannah Montana.

4.  The smiles on Christmas day.

3.    The horses!  I think my favorite gift that we gave this Christmas were horses for Annie and Olivia.  We bought these with our hearts, not our heads, clearly not thinking that in 6 weeks we need to get these things to Japan.  But the joy of these two girls in getting their own horses that neigh and whinney — it’s worth it.  Olivia insisted on holding the horse on her lap in the car.

2.  Owen and Annie went shopping for Christmas gifts at school for their family… I loved the sweet necklace from Owen, and the felt rose from Annie!  They were SO SO proud to give it to me, and every day ask if I like it.  They were my favorite gifts.

1.  Christmas Night was my favorite part of the day… Our family and several other families went to a senior citizen center – my friend Kris’ grandmother’s home – and carolled.  It was neat to watch our children engage the seniors, with some fear, but willing to go and shake hands and meet many who didn’t have families to come and see them. It was such a simple thing – not a lot of sacrifice on our part- but a wonderful way to end our day.

We are finishing the drawn-out birthday celebrations of Owen tonight, when my family will come over for his birthday dinner.  It’s been fun while we’re in the U.S. to let the kids live up their birthdays with “real” birthday parties. In Japan, birthdays are much smaller-scale, and it doesn’t seem very common to have a birthday party where you invite friends, have a theme, etc.  So we always enjoy having our family friends over to celebrate birthdays while we’re there.

So Owen had his first friends birthday party, and, of course, it had to be Star Wars!  Four friends from school came, and four friends from our small community here, plus Annie and Olivia.  It was a fun theme to work with — we found foam light sabers at the dollar store, which made for lots of banter inside and out; made pretzel rod light sabers, and of course a Clone Wars cake was in order with glow sticks for the light sabers arising out.

My own favorite gift that Owen got was the latest Mr. Potato Heads:  Darth Tater and Artoo-Potatoo.  These really are a must for Star Wars fans.  We were SO so glad that Owen wanted our friend Jeff to come to the party too – we were exhausted after the party and couldn’t have done it without him helping.

My favorite event with Owen’s birthday was the afternoon when I took him to Starbucks for kids hot cocoa (the best value on their menu – only $1.25!).  Every year on their birthday I tell the kids their “birthday story”.  This was a tradition I learned from my mom, and it’s been a natural way for our children to hear their adoption story and each year to understand more of it.  Usually I tell them at bedtime, but I wanted this year to make it feel more special for Owen, so Starbucks it was.

He mostly listened as I shared,  but he knew it was important.  He wanted to find a place to sit that was the most private, so i was glad when the front window chairs opened up and we could pull them together and talk.  I told him about the emergency surgery he had when he was born (because he was breach, the doctors didn’t know that his intestines had been growing outside of his body in his birth mother’s womb).  He heard again about the miracle of his recovery — he had absolutely no problems that were expected during recovery with digestion  and never needed any follow-up surgery as had been predicted.  His Japanese birth name – now middle name – Masaru means “victory”, and Owen means “young fighter.”  He and God together proved that – he was a victorious young fighter even as a baby.  When we received him as a one-month old baby, he really was the most beautiful baby I have ever seen.  How much we thank God for this little fighter who brings joy to us every day.

We had a wonderful ladies’ Christmas tea over the weekend at our church here. Eric and I both had roles that allowed us to see firsthand God at work through the members of our church. (Eric was a server on Saturday morning; I was the speaker on Friday night and Saturday morning). Rarely have we been to an outreach event where there has been such amazing participation. There were 160 -170 women at both events, with over 2/3s of them not from the church. Everything was beautiful, and delicious too.  We loved the whole spirit of the tea- many of the men dressed in white shirt and tie serving coffee and tea and scones with such finesse!  Ladies who made their favorite recipes served on the buffet table;  my brother-in-law Anthony and cousin Charlie who created made-to-order crepes for everyone… it was classy and so nice.

It was really fun in that it has become quite a family event, as well.  My sister Allison is one of the two main coordinators (in above photo, left) and my sister Beth comes every year (photo, right).  My Dad’s wife Mickey and several aunts also attended; some great family friends whom I hadn’t seen in awhile; and my great friend Lauren and her mom came.  Lauren got the award for coming the farthest- she drove two hours to the tea!  Thanks Lauren!

I had the privilege and the scary job of being the speaker this year.  Very early on, I began toying with the idea of using a very obscure but wonderful Christmas carol as my theme:  Jesus Christ the Apple Tree.  A group from the church graciously agreed to perform it for us at the tea- this octet’s performance brought tears to my eyes before I even started to speak!  As my sister said, they sounded better than the recorded version that we gave to all the women who attended.  Here is a very homemade video of the last 3 verses that I recorded while sitting near the front (I am not in the center which also throws the sound a bit, but it will give you an idea of the song).  I’ve also included the words to all five verses:

The tree of life my soul hath seen,

Laden with fruit and always green:

The trees of nature fruitless be

Compared with Christ the apple tree.

His beauty doth all things excel:

By faith I know, but ne’er can tell

The glory which I now can see

In Jesus Christ the apple tree.

For happiness I long have sought,

And pleasure dearly I have bought:

I missed of all; but now I see

‘Tis found in Christ the apple tree.

I’m weary with my former toil,

Here I will sit and rest awhile:

Under the shadow I will be,

Of Jesus Christ the apple tree.

This fruit doth make my soul to thrive,

It keeps my dying faith alive;

Which makes my soul in haste to be

With Jesus Christ the apple tree.

I talked about our image of God.  AW Tozer has said that the most important thing about a person is their image of God (paraphrased).  After having the ladies think about their images of God, I  gave the assertion that if we really understood what happened at Christmas it could change our image of God. I shared my own nightmare story of a time when Annie got lost in a mall in Japan and my extreme anguish during those long fifteen minutes, and used that as a springboard to try and begin to understand God’s anguish at the separation that happened when He allowed – even sent – His Son Jesus to earth.  I used a number of different images and stories, including Jesus as our Apple Tree, to illustrate the love and passion of God.  This Christmas season I have fallen in love again with this song (anonymous author; it was found in an old American hymn book in the late 1700s);  and it has reminded me again of the shade and rest and protection that Jesus provides.

“As the apple tree among the trees of the forest so is my love…. With great delight I sat in His shadow, and His fruit was sweet to my taste. He brought me to the banqueting house, and his banner over me was love.” (Song of Songs 2:3-4)

This week I finished up a Bible Study with a group of women from our church that I have really loved.  As part of the study, I read again the story of Jesus’ turning the water into wine– the first recorded miracle.  This particular miracle has never really grabbed me– it’s not about  healing someone, delivering someone, changing someone’s life. But as I studied it this week, I was struck by Mary’s words to the servants:  “Do whatever Jesus asks of you.”  It was only about wine at a wedding.  But the command was simple and strong – whatever Jesus asks.

The bible study asked the question-“what would have happened if Jesus had not done this miracle?”  And perhaps this was the most profound to me– in some ways, it would have not been any big deal.  Guests just wouldn’t have had the good wine.  They would have gone home and not realized what they had missed out on.  I wonder how many times I don’t do whatever Jesus asks — because I’m not listening; because I’m too busy; because I’m too worried about what others think — and I don’t even realize what I’ve missed out on.

This morning I read Luke 1.  It made me smile as I realized that all of the stories of Christmas involved surprises.  Zacharias was so surprised that he couldn’t speak for months afterwards!  Mary was “thoroughly shaken”.  The shepherds quaked… The God who meets us at Christmas comes with surprise as he steps into our lives.  Despite being busy, I don’t want to miss Him – or miss out on His miracles–this Christmas.  God, help us to be obedient to do whatever Jesus asks of us.  And keep on surprising us with the things that you do in our lives.

What we discovered yesterday that it’s not, ultimately, about finding the perfect tree, but it’s about the experience.

Yesterday our family for the first time had the chance to pick out our own Christmas tree.  In Japan, we have an artificial one that is fine.  But we were REALLY excited about the chance to go outside — not to the shed — to get our tree this year.

We went to a great Christmas tree farm just a few minutes away.  It really is much more than about the tree!  Even though it was quite cold, we went on a hayride to the back tree lots; the kids sat on Santa’s lap; went on a train ride; and  did a small hay maze.  This was all before we even tried to find the right tree.

When we did finally go looking for the tree, the kids were freezing cold and would have been happy with a 2 foot branch.  Some hot cocoa helped to pacify them while Eric and I found the most beautiful 7 foot Frasier fir in all of South Jersey.  Look at that beauty!!

My friend Jamie just sent me a link to a hilarious blog called Cake Wrecks.  http://cakewrecks.blogspot.com/

You need to check it out.  She said it wasn’t a reflection of my cakes, but made her think of me.  Hmmm. 🙂

Actually, it brought to mind my cake wreck this past January…I decided I needed to come out of the closet with this one and make a confession.

We were celebrating our neighbor friend Mrs. I’s birthday.  It was a crazy day.  I made the cake the night before and had to decorate it the hour or so before we went out to the party.  The whole thing was DISASTER. The bright yellow icing that I tried to soften and then drizzle onto the bundt cake didn’t drizzle- it plopped.    I scraped off the yellow icing twice before I was informed that they were waiting for us outside and we had to go!  (If you look closely you’ll see that there is a different color yellow icing under the darker one).  I quickly tried to put on the purple but it really was not a pretty scene.  The colors ended up looking like a cake to celebrate the Lakers – made by someone cheering for the other team. The crazy thing is – I can’t even remember what I was trying to do.  Why did I pick yellow and purple?  I know there was supposed to be a meaning, but you certainly can’t tell by looking at the photo.

Rather than having no cake to celebrate, I made the mistake of taking it anyway.  Japanese are incredibly gracious and they wouldn’t laugh with me at this cake…but we did share some fun laughs later as we were eating it.  

Feel free to share any of your worst cake disasters.   Now that you’ve seen mine, I’m sure you won’t feel so bad!

Last week a good friend and I were talking about a mutual friend, C,  who she knows really well.  My friend remarked that C. is really close to all of her teenage children.  They love to confide in her;  she is each of their closest friend.  I asked my friend what she thinks her friend C. does to create such an open atmosphere.  She thought about it for a minute, and then she said, “You know, she has no agenda.  She just hangs out with her kids.  if things don’t get done;  if she doesn’t fulfill other obligations, she’s ok with that.  She just loves to hang out with her kids.”

My friend and I both groaned.  We are agenda-full-kinds of moms!  If I am just “hanging out” with my kids, there is most likely either a) a given time limit on that, or b) a secret agenda; or c) a result of feeling guilty for not hanging out enough.  Eric is great at getting down on the floor and just being with the kids.  I am not.

A week ago I threw out my lower back while putting a turkey in the oven.  I heard a pop;  I felt pain rush through my entire body.  It has continued to be debilitating.  I spent Sunday in the E.R., where I was not given a prognosis but I was given some happy drugs :).  Today I got in to see a spine doctor.  He has a theory about what it is, but is waiting to get back the MRI results tomorrow.

In the meantime, I have been mostly sitting.  Sitting in a highback chair in our living room.  In effect, hanging out with our kids.  It’s been fun.  I can’t do much else right now.  I’ve had some grumpy days when the pain medication didn’t seem to be helping.  But it’s been good to just sort of hangggg  ooouuuttt.  

Also this past weekend, Eric’s brother Mark came and stayed with us for 4 days.  It was so fun to have him here with us.  And I noticed that he, too, comes without an agenda and just to hang out with us and the kids.  We spent one day in Lancaster, PA, which was fun (even though I was hurting a lot!); and he and Eric took the kids to see Madagascar 2.  But a lot of the time was just about being, not really doing.  

On Saturday night, we had a surprise birthday party for him.  The kids had a great time trying to keep it secret;  it was fun to do something like this for Mark who blesses us so much in so many ways.

I made him a laptop computer cake (he does software engineering in Los Angeles), and we made him his favorite Hawaiian dishes.  And we all just hung out.

I have a lot to learn, and perhaps let go of, when it comes to just hanging out in the way that Mark, Eric, and our friend C does.  I always have a million things in my mind to do; agendas for a particular day or time frame.  It’s good to recognize this, and to try least SOME of the time, aching back or not,  to schedule in some anti-agenda time to just hang out.

We spent a really lovely Thanksgiving day with most of my family and some special friends at my sister Beth’s and her husband Gene’s home in the  Philadelphia suburbs.  I loved having Eric’s brother with us too!  The food was great; being with people I love so dearly was a treat that I will cherish for a long time.  We loved watching how this group of people embraced our children– even better, threw them up in the air a million times; took them on walks; gave tickle tortures incessantly.  It was wonderful.

But I was curious about this strange feeling in my heart that I felt at times throughout the day — a feeling of being homesick.  It is curious because for the last six years we have been in Japan during the Thanksgiving season, and always there I would share this same mix of emotions:  joy at being together with our special “family” in Japan; and a homesickness for my family back in New Jersey.  Our good friend Keiko in Japan wrote to me this fall and said, “I am so glad Sue that you can be with your family for Thanksgiving.  I know you were always homesick each year in Japan.”  Now we are “home” – but I feel that familiar twinge again…

I realize that part of this could be feeling almost like a “guest” back here.  This is my beloved family, but we have not been a part of their shared experiences on Thanksgiving for many years.  They have created many special ways of celebrating that have become “theirs”.  So we are trying to learn their ways and adapt.  What should be very familiar is also new and different from what our own recent experiences have been.  Also, having a back injury this week kept me away from the football field and out of the kitchen… I was sad not to be able to help more with the preparations and the bonding task of dishes (honest – I really was sad!).

I am often asked here what I miss about Japan.  Japan is our home.  It is where God has placed us, and He has generously provided there a wonderful body of friends, which changes often, but they are our Japan family.  We have created many memories; many ways of doing things which are often creative! — all of these things make Japan our home.

But the reality is that neither of these places are home.  That there will likely always be this sense of discontent and longing until heaven… for that is where life started;  that is the ultimate Home.  I don’t get it all, but I know that somewhere deep in my there is a longing for that Home; for that Celebration; for that Family.  All of these earthly celebrations are wonderful foretastes of what is waiting for us.

Here is a YouTube video that I found featuring Michelle Tume’s song “Untame Lion” that was written about Aslan and the Chronicles of Narnia.  It touched this deep, homesick place in my heart.

We had a great musical weekend!  It started on Friday night with our kids singing their hearts out at their school’s Thanksgiving concert.  We loved how they both sang with so much gusto… and we loved understanding all the words!  (At their concerts in Japan their were some songs where we would scratch our heads and try and figure out what the meaning of all those words were)…  We have really been thrilled with the education that they have been receiving, and the combined emphasis on academics, social skills, and their spiritual lives.  Annie’s teacher (below in the green top hugging Annie), Miss Thomas, is interested in leading a short-term team to Japan sometime in the next year or so!

(Below:  Annie singing “God’s not dead”;  Owen singing a LONG version of “Emmanuel”)

The following morning, we took the local train into Philadelphia to attend the Philadelphia Orchestra’s family concert.  Our friends Roger and Lisa-Beth got us great seats – the kids really loved watching the instruments so close.  Later, we had a chance to go to lunch with Lisa-Beth.

We love musical celebrations;  we love the many experiences we are getting during this season of our lives.