One of the great privileges of our daily interaction with the Nozomi Project ladies is the opportunity to share a short devotion and pray for them – with them!  Today at lunch I shared an analogy I had heard from my friend Lorna.  When a whale becomes injured, or has lost a baby, the other whales will come underneath that whale and in essence carry the whale through the waters until she is able to swim on her own.

So we, as a Be One/Nozomi community, are called to do the same thing.  Galatians 6:2 helped summarize this idea:  “Bear one another’s burdens…”  There are and will continue to be times when some of us are sick, sad, or grieving, and need to be carried along by the others.  My desire is for us to be like the whales, and to carry each other during those times.

The best way to carry each other is by praying for each other.  So today I asked the Nozomi ladies to get with a partner and pray for/with each other. I assured them that there is no “right” way to pray.   Simple conversation with God.  If I can do it in my imperfect Japanese, they can surely talk to God in Japanese!   I gave an example of a very short and simple prayer, praying for one of our members C. who is trying to decide whether to quit her other part-time job as a dishwasher in a town that is almost an hour drive away.  (I am hoping she can make Nozomi her job every day!).  Then we got into pairs and it was super-neat to peek out at one point and see the ladies huddled together praying aloud for the first time!

After this they were talking about how they dread the cold days and nights, as this reminds them of 3/11 and for some of them brings on more depression.  We are a team, and so we need to help each other through the cold winter coming up.  And I told them to feel free to call me, day or night, when things get too hard – and I will do what every good believing whale knows to do- pray for them.

Today we came home around 6 pm and I went right into the kitchen to put on my apron.  My friend Cynthia, who works a lot with PTSD and relief workers, suggested this past summer that when I come back home after being out each day, it might help to have a ritual to help me “take off” the grief and burdens that I have been emerged in and become more present with my family.  So when I come home and I love to put on my new red polka-dotted apron (thanks L & R!) to help my mind, heart, and body switch into mom gear and focus on the needs of my children and husband.  Tonight I was looking forward to tasting my favorite fall crockpot dish made with sweet potatoes, pork, and fennel that I had prepared before leaving this morning.

This was a day filled with a lot of stories and pain.  During the Nozomi project, my friend Y. only worked a half day, and then went to the car to rest because her mind and stomach hurt and she couldn’t concentrate due to despair.  This happens most days.  I prayed for her, and then she went out and rested in her car for a couple of hours. She called again tonight, struggling a lot.  We prayed again.  N. came in during lunch, but she brought her own crocheting today instead of making jewelry with the rest of the group.  When I asked her why, she said her leg has been particularly painful and she hadn’t been able to take the pain meds that she takes every day.  She said it hurt too much to concentrate.  (She had been dragged in her house by the tsunami, with her leg caught.  Her leg barely escaped amputation, but has been a source of great pain ever since).  N. is taking anti-depressants as well for the trauma.  I prayed with her for the pain and the challenges of this day.  She told us recently that since she has been coming to the Nozomi project, her husband has been getting mad because she seems to be recovering too quickly.  He lost his parents in the tsunami, and isn’t ready to move towards recovery yet.

Then in the later afternoon we had our weekly English kids class during which the moms gather in the next door building for tea and sharing. It has become a special community-building time for these moms.  For the past two months, my school mom friend H. has been coming with her two kids- they love it and so does she.  (She is my school informant – she has learned to call me when there are any major events at either Olivia’s kindergarten or the elementary school to be sure I haven’t missed something.  She is GOLD!)  H. and I have spent a lot of time talking at school while waiting for our kids.  But tonight, she shared more details that I didn’t know about March 11, 2011 for her…

She was at the dentist with her daughter.  Her son (six at the time) had returned home from kindergarten (he was to graduate five days later – it ended up being postponed for several weeks) and was with his grandmother.  After the earthquake, his grandfather came home, and so did H.’s brother.  They realized that a tsunami might come and began to make plans to evacuate because their home was right by the sea.  But it was too late- they heard a loud crash and saw the tsunami wall (which really did nothing in light of the craziness of this tsunami) break up as the tsunami began rushing towards them.  A fire truck was coming around making a final plea for citizens to leave.  The grandfather and uncle pushed H.’s son and the grandmother onto the fire truck and shut the door quickly because the water was already up to their thighs.  They urged the driver to hurry away, and thankfully it was able to arrive safely at the elementary school, serving as the local evacuation center.  R. and his grandmother rushed up the stairwell with the other firemen and were able to get up high enough before the water began pouring in.

The next day, the uncle showed up at the school- he had managed to survive the tsunami.  It was a full week before they found H.’s dad’s body.  He did not survive.

Six months later, R. was lying in bed and he called his mom over.  H. went over and he whispered, “Mommy, when we were climbing the steps of the school that day…. I looked out the windows.  I saw people floating by.  I can’t forget even if I close my eyes.”

That was the only time he has ever mentioned it.  But I am quite sure he has never forgotten.  At the close of our ladies’ tea time, we prayed for R. and the other children with the memories that are still in their hearts when they close their eyes.  We prayed for H.’s mom, who is now living alone in a temporary housing, having lost her home and her husband.

I am thankful for my red apron because it really does seem to help me to be more present for my wonderful family.  But really – I am more thankful for God’s sweet invitation to cast all of my cares on Him (I Peter 5:7) on nights like this when the apron doesn’t quite work its magic.

One of the things that I love about our oldest daughter Annie is her directness and ability to verbally process what is going on in her heart.  Tonight Eric had taken the other three children up to bed, and it was me and Annie downstairs.  The slew of questions began as she was getting ready for bed:

“So Mommy, if I had come out of your tummy do you think I would have blonde hair too?

Wouldn’t it be great if I had blonde hair?  Then you would be able to find me right away at undokai (sports festival day).

Do you think if my birth mother still had me that she would like me?

But if I lived with her I could make her laugh!!  (and then) Oh, so she’s still ALIVE?  How old is she?

Don’t you sometimes wish that I had come out of your tummy?

When we get to heaven will we know each other?  Will we all look like children?  WIll there be some adults and some children?  Don’t you think it will be great that we won’t have hiccups in heaven?

Why do all Americans have blonde hair?  Do you think when I am older I can make my hair blonde?

*********************

So   I took some time and reminded her of the Amy Carmichael story that I have told them before.  She remembered most of it!  Amy had prayed when she was a little girl that God would give her blue eyes.  One night before she went to bed, she prayed and prayed and finally had full confidence that God had answered her prayer.  When she woke up, she ran over to the mirror and –still brown.  She was sad, but she also KNEW that God could have answered her prayer.

Many years later, God used Amy to help rescue children from prostitution who were being sold to temples.  She had to dress up in full Indian gear, and was able to sneak in and out of the temple grounds disguised as an Indian woman.  She realized later that she could have never done this if God had truly answered her prayers and given her blue eyes!

Later:  “So Mom, did Amy know right then when she was a girl that God was going to give her a reason for keeping her eyes brown?”

Lots of questions!  Thankfully, I don’t think that parents always have to have the answers.  But I am pretty sure that God has some amazing purposes for my most inquisitive eight year old – even purposes for her beautiful brown hair.

Yesterday we had a totally northern-Japan experience… we went with our Be One staff and Nozomi ladies and their families up the mountain and had an imonikai party.  This is sort of a hot stew that you make over a fire with mountain potatoes, meat, and other veggies.  We made two different kinds with the local tastes — the Yamagata prefecture flavor (heavy on beef and less veggies, pictured below) and the Miyagi prefecture kind (lots of veggies and pork with a miso base).  I favored our current prefecture flavor, and our family enjoyed some Miyagi imoni leftovers tonight.

It was a gorgeous fall day – we haven’t had many like this — and so fun to be in the woods with lots of kids running around and people that I love so much.  Eric and Jonathan made two big fires upon which we cooked the stew in big pots.  Several of the women have had a lot of imonikai experience and lent their expertise to the flavoring.

One of the unfortunate incidents was my friend Chi.’s daughter ( a good friend of Olivia – I wrote about her family losing their home and their poodle in previous blog) who sprained her ankle while playing with the other children.  She ended up just sitting with her mom for the next hour or two, unable to put weight on her foot.  Finally her mom had to carry her to a vehicle to cart her up the hill to the parking lot and back home.  (Below you can see the back of her being held by her mom).

This morning I exchanged a few calls with her mom, and by the afternoon our fears were confirmed- she had somehow broken a bone in her ankle!  We felt so bad.  But her mom felt even worse… she said she has finally found a job that she loves so much and now she will have to stay home and take care of her daughter, who probably won’t be able to return to kindergarten for awhile.  She shared with me how much her new Nozomi job means to her  — she looks forward to going each day, and loves to listen to our sharing [from the Bible]  as well.  She had also told  me earlier that things have been particularly tight financially because they are now paying a double mortgage – one for their home that was washed away;  and the other for the new (smaller) home that they had built this past year.  She hadn’t realized how tough it was going to be. I realized that this job is important on a lot of levels.  She was really disappointed.

Part of our vision for the Nozomi Project is to find ways to help moms with kids – whatever that means.  So Eric, Jennifer and I worked this afternoon on the Be One guest house (a.k.a. the Nozomi Project Workshop), and we made a children’s corner.  We have been wanting to do this anyway since Ian is there most days and there are sometimes other children;  but now was the perfect time.  When I called Chi. back and told her that we had a place for Nodoka to come and hang out, she was thrilled, and said that they will both be there in the morning.  Ian will be happy to have a friend to hang out with!

One of the fun things that we have done  at the NP is to name each particular “line” after someone special in the lives of the Nozomi women.  Some have chosen to name a line after their mothers; others their daughters;  a few women have named a line of jewelry after someone they loved who passed away in the tsunami.  I will be sharing in posts to come about the different names and the stories behind the names.

Our “signature” piece — made exclusively for the Shards of Hope collection — is called the Nodoka, named by Chi. for her sweet daughter with the broken bone!  It is beautiful, like its namesake, and is on the high end because it features blue lapis stones and moonstones which accent the blue and white pottery  that is prevalent here.

Lisa, our jewelry designer, sent me a wonderful passage yesterday and she was so excited because it talks about lapis, and there are such wonderful promises in this passage for people from this afflicted city.  I love the promise of rebuilding; and the realities of God’s unfailing love.  And I am excited for Nodoka, who has been terrified of the ocean since the tsunami, to find and experience in the days to come  the peace promised by the Covenant-keeper.  (Isaiah 54:10-14)

10 Though the mountains be shaken
and the hills be removed,
yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken
nor my covenant of peace be removed,”
says the Lord, who has compassion on you.

11 “Afflicted city, lashed by storms and not comforted,
I will rebuild you with stones of turquoise,[a]
your foundations with lapis lazuli.
12 I will make your battlements of rubies,
your gates of sparkling jewels,
and all your walls of precious stones.
13 All your children will be taught by the Lord,
and great will be their peace.
14 In righteousness you will be established:
Tyranny will be far from you;
you will have nothing to fear.
Terror will be far removed;
it will not come near you.

I know that there is a lot going on in the unseen world when I wake up at 5:30 am or so several days in a row and feel compelled to pray.  Waking up early is not my norm by any mean!  So I’m asking for those who have so faithfully encouraged and prayed with us to come again before the Throne.  Eric and I had a wonderful chance to start out praying together before the kids got up, and we realize how important our role is in prayer.  Here are a few short updates.

**We are trying to figure out the best way to formalize the Nozomi project.  We can’t begin internet sales until all the necessary paperwork is carried out, and that cannot begin until we are able to figure out the best route:  nonprofit organization (in which case we would need to first become a corporation – perhaps through Be One?) or an LLC, which would be like a company.  There are various complications to each options – please pray with us for the right people to emerge who can help us with this decision.

**Be One will be going on a staff retreat (our first ever!) this weekend.  Pray with us for wisdom, unity, synergy.  We will be discussing our forms of worship and church, Nozomi, our future direction–  and really pray that we are listening and responsive to the Holy Spirit.

**I feel always behind in the administrative details of our lives.  I make some advances, and then discover something still undone.  Pray that we can juggle better – perhaps intentionally dropping some things — and maybe even find some to help us during this season in our lives.  One of the authors I studied during my graduate work, Frederick von Hugel, wrote, “Drop things.  Keep on dropping things.”  Praying to know what I can drop!  I am really trying to be 100% mom during the times that our kids are home.  But sometimes they are getting a tired mom….

**The last two days we have had a team from Christian Academy Japan, an international school in Tokyo, working with Be One.  Yesterday morning we went to the valley of death/life below our home and gathered up broken pottery for an hour or so.  Twenty five kids spread out can do a  lot of gathering! That was a great blessing, and it also gives the volunteers a real sense of the destruction that happened here a year and a half ago.  One of the girls, Heidi, picked up her first piece of pottery and discovered that it was a broken plate with writing:  her name!  It was crazy.  When we returned to the Nozomi workshop, one of the women made it into a necklace for Heidi.  She has the first personalized Nozomi piece!

We broke the team up into smaller groups to come in and see the Nozomi project in action.  I think they were really excited about the beauty of the jewelry being made, and the ladies were encouraged to hear their glowing praise.  The last group of eight who came through are part of a choral group, and so we asked them to share three numbers during the lunch hour.

When they had finished, I asked if there were any comments or questions.  One of the women started crying in her effort to express her heart.  And then she explained:  “my tears aren’t because I’m sad.  They are because I want my son to grow up to be like all of you!” I know these kids aren’t perfect, but I think the women could see the difference that Jesus makes.  They sang with purpose, belief, and joy.  (CAJ parents- I hope you are reading this!)

And then one of the other women broke down, and she just put it out there:  “My son died in the tsunami.  I didn’t take care of him and save him that day.  Does he forgive me?  Does he forgive me?” It took my breath away.  My friend Michiko and I leaned in and  hugged her and whispered, “you are forgiven!  you are ok!”  But the more significant response came from one of the male high school singers.  He took the words in Japanese from the second song that they had sung, In Christ Alone, and read one of the verses to her.  There could have been no better response.

In Christ alone my hope is found,
He is my light, my strength, my song;
this Cornerstone, this solid Ground,
firm through the fiercest drought and storm.
What heights of love, what depths of peace,
when fears are stilled, when strivings cease!
My Comforter, my All in All,
here in the love of Christ I stand.

Just re-reading these words brings me to tears.  This is the truth.  For her, for me, for each of us.  What an amazing message we have in Christ alone.

Two weeks ago at a staff meeting, our coworker Jonathan shared two images that he has been thinking about.  The first is that we are standing at the edge of the Jordan.  He specifically suggested that this is an appropriate image for me as the Nozomi jewelry project begins and we enter strange and unfamiliar waters.  I love it that the people were told to follow the  symbol of the presence of God — the Ark of the Covenant -and that this would keep them steady and strong, and guide their way through their unchartered paths.  And that God told the people to consecrate themselves.  These have been good images for me to cling to in recent days.

And then, Jonathan also suggested that in many ways in our lives up here, we are standing at the Gate of Hades. I have thought a lot about this dramatic analogy.  We are pretty much surrounded by death on a daily basis.  I have become very aware of late of the heaviness that lies around us — you can’t ignore it or shake it off.  I went out two weeks ago with two friends from here – it was a rare opportunity where they didn’t have their children- and we spent several hours over a leisurely dinner together.  I took a picture of us and I wanted to put on Facebook – “Woohoo!  Girls night out!”  But i couldn’t do it — I realized how it just felt different.  We weren’t completely serious the whole time, but there was a lot of our conversation that wouldn’t have happened in other places that I have lived.  There certainly was not a “Woohoo!” type of atmosphere.  My friends have had such huge losses to their lives — it will be awhile before they are really able to have a Woohoo! Girls night out.

A wonderful thing that God has been doing is bringing really hurting women to the Nozomi project.  How thankful we are to be a place of safety; a place for healing.  Each time we meet I leave emotionally exhausted but with a heart full of thankfulness that He allows us to link lives with women who really need this right now.  I feel like I have walked very near to the gate of Hades quite a bit in recent days.   I have been walking the very scary and unnerving path with one friend who has been questioning whether she should continue living or not. To call her and check in and not get an answer is one of the scariest things that can happen.  We are walking with her;  assuring her she is not alone.

Last week two new women came to Nozomi who both had incredibly traumatic experiences in the tsunami.  One of them, N., still is suffering from PTSD, flashbacks during the night, and depression.  I loved watching her work away with great zeal at grinding the broken pottery!  The other new woman, N2, was recognized by the women when she walked in as being “famous” – she was interviewed on numerous news and talk shows because of the horrendous experiences she had following the tsunami.  When she was finally rescued after surviving in the tsunami water for nine hours, her body temperature was only 1 degree celsius.  They thought she was dead.  She almost had her leg amputated;  she showed me the scars and I watched her walk with a slow limp.

It has been a joy this week to have Lisa and Rebecca from southern California working with us 24/7 for nine days in teaching the women how to make finished products.  The results are so beautiful – I have been moved to tears.  I can’t wait until we are able to unveil the final products!  Today we had eight ladies gather to learn and to create.  Another of the women made an exquisite necklace with pearls and a beautiful broken pottery pendant- she totally has an eye for the design.  But then during lunch, while we were sitting around and talking about our families, she got up suddenly and left.  I went out a few minutes later  and found her sitting in her car.  She said she had a panic attack;  it happens often.  She was unable to drive home;  I drove her  home in her car and then her husband drove me bak to the Be One house.  Her losses are still too great for her to handle. She has been to hell and back and needs people standing on the edge who can provide love, prayers, healing, hope.

So as we continue forward in this beautiful, haunting city where God has called us, we ask you to continue to pray for us.  Really really.  I’m realizing in new ways the significance of the prayers of the saints for our work here. There are several people who have told me they they pray specifically for my friend Y. daily or on certain days.  I am buoyed by knowing that there are many standing with us on the edge.

And at the same time, I am reminded daily of the hope that is springing forth.  This afternoon one of the women suddenly got up from her necklace-weaving and came over to me with tears in her eyes.  She threw her arms around me and just said, “thank you” through her tears.  I wasn’t sure what had happened.  She explained that for ten years her life has been so hard;  she never imagined that she could be happy again.  Bu God has brought new joy through what she is doing here – she never thought that could be possible.

Now that is worth a big WooHoo.